One part Eastwood,
One part Astaire.
Add a dash of Bogart.
Shake, strain and enjoy.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Bearded Bliss

I wish I wasn't a TV guy. I wish I could be one of those people that are above it, snidely retorting that they haven't seen "that show" because they were finishing Dostoevsky, coding an iPad app, or distilling artisenal liquor from organic rye grown in their backyard (location: Brooklyn). But the current crop of television shows not only produce some wildly entertaining content but also characters that all at once make me aspire to their machismo and question my own masculinity. From Mad Men's Don Draper and HBO's Ari Gold to 30 Rock's Jack Donaghy, I can't help but feel like a boy compared to their commanding grip of the X chromosome. With the Fall season back underway, I again became envious of another hero of mine. Not because of his unwavering ego or disarming charm, but for another manly characteristic that endlessly eludes me: Parks and Rec's very own Ron Swanson and his magnificent beard.

Sure, they can rock a suit and some 5 o'clock shadow,
but I doubt they could own a chin pillow like Ron.

I'll admit that I was a late comer to its comedic genius, but I was quickly drawn to its stoic, scotch drinking, meat loving, libertarian alpha male, like a 50 year old to "The Who". Nick Offerman's Swanson is the rugged to Draper and Donaghy's refined. He may not be a style maven around the office, but he just as easily embodies the confidence and nonchalance that most men crave. Whether he is shooting fish, sanding wood, sabotaging government or just draped in flannel and leather, Ron Swanson is a man's man through and through. In the season 4 opener he was a sight to behold. Upon the arrival of his first ex-wife, Ron flees to the sanctity of his cabin where he tends to the most awe inspiring man mane to grace HD pixels. Ron is usually the bearer of a classic push broom 'stache, however, in his reclusive state he sports a crumb smuggler so bushy birds could nest in his luscious whiskers.

If Teddy Roosevelt had a three way with the Brawny Guy and the Unibomber, the outcome would be Ron Swanson:

At this point in my babyfaced existence, I can only dream of such bearded bliss.


  1. Though I don't watch Parks & Rec all of the time, every time I do I truly admire Swanson's awesome facial hair. Not every man can pull it off, but he does. (However, his full grown beard in the clip was a tad startling...)

  2. I think you mean "Y Chromosome".

  3. check this beard then...